We held our second ‘Blue Christmas’ service this year. Will upload a PDF of the service. In addition to people grieving the loss of a loved one, we included all kinds of losses – health, security etc, as well as recognizing those who support others who suffer loss (including those supporting refugees).
We are a city church and open our doors each day for people who wish to use the church for quiet meditation, reading and ‘being’. We have prepared a resource for people who wish to drop in to reflect on ‘blue feelings’ at Christmas. The resource has been compiled and adapted from several sources. The resource enables some guidance for reflection and prayer without a formal church service led by a minister, which suits many of the folk who work and play and visit the CBD, and who prefer to drop in and quietly read and meditate in the church.
Blue Christmas, Blue Christmas PDF
Rev Cathy Lambert writes: The idea of this service is to acknowledge that Christmas can be a difficult time for some people. We are surrounded by the media telling us how we should be full of joy during this season, but that is not always easy. If this is the first Christmas since a loved one died, or it has been a difficult year emotionally, or there are broken relationships to deal with – Christmas can be a time of dread and sorrow.
A poem by Anna McKenzie (may be appropriate for Blue Christmas):
And so we must learn to live again,
we of the damaged bodies
and assaulted minds.
Starting from scratch with the rubble of our lives
and picking up the dust
of dreams once dreamt.
And we start there, naked in our vulnerability,
proud of starting over, fighting back,
but full of weak humility
at the awesomeness of the task.
We, without a future,
safe, defined, delivered
now salute you God.
Knowing that nothing is safe,
secure, inviolable here.
Except you,
and even that eludes our minds at times.
And we hate you
and we love you,
and our anger is as strong
as our pain,
our grief is deep as oceans,
and our need as great as mountains.
So, as we take our first steps forward
into the abyss of the future,
we would pray for
courage to go places for the first time
and just be there.
Courage to become what we have
not been before
and accept it,
with bravery to look deep
within our souls to find
new ways.
We did not want it easy God,
but we did not contemplate
that it would be quite this hard,
this long, this lonely.
So, if we are to be turned inside out,
and upside down,
with even our pockets shaken,
just to check what is rattling
and left behind,
we pray that you will keep faith with us,
and we with you,
holding our hands as we weep,
giving us strength to continue,
and showing us beacons
along the way
to becoming new.
We are not fighting you God,
even if it feels like it,
but we need your help and company,
as we struggle on.
Fighting back
and starting over.
Please speak the response when you hear: “…this season brings forth many feelings”
Response: We find comfort in naming these feelings; we find some peace in being together
All around us are bright lights and merry messages
Yet in our heart not all is joyful
There is grief with the loss of relationships,
Those we love no longer with us because of death
Those we have loved who are estranged from us
Those we love yet experience a diminishment of intimacy
There is grief with the loss and change of relationship,
Grief, bittersweet for it is a consequence of the presence of love
…this season brings forth many feelings
Response: We find comfort in naming these feelings; we find some peace in being together
All around us are bright lights and merry messages
Yet in our heart not all is joyful
There may be pain in our bodies,
Physical pain as a natural outcome of aging
Physical pain that presents itself in illness
Pain in the body that forces us to change and imposes limitations
Pain, bittersweet for physical experience includes both pain and pleasure and
…this season brings forth many feelings
Response: We find comfort in naming these feelings; we find some peace in being together
All around us are bright lights and merry messages
Yet in our heart not all is joyful
There may be anger and regret with the memories we hold,
Anger with past experiences of hurt or abuse,
Regret of our own actions that may have cause hurt to others,
Anger that life has not turned out as we imagined,
Regret for what we might have said or done,
Anger and regret, bittersweet in presenting the possibility for healing and forgiveness,
…this season brings forth many feelings
Response: We find comfort in naming these feelings; we find some peace in being together
All around us are bright lights and merry messages
Yet in our heart not all is joyful
There may be uncertainty that accompanies transition and change,
Uncertainty of what the future may bring with changes,
Uncertainty of direction or purpose after retirement or change of vocation,
Uncertainty when changing residence, by choice or necessity,
Uncertainty, bittersweet for change, a constant in life, let’s us know we are alive, and change along with
…this season brings forth many feelings
Response: We find comfort in naming these feelings; we find some peace in being together
All around us are bright lights and merry messages
Yet in our heart not all is joyful
There may be a sense of hopelessness,
Hopelessness in the face of so much violence and suffering
Hopelessness with attempts to heal our aching world and ourselves
Hopelessness in witnessing what we have not managed to accomplish
Hopelessness, bittersweet for its longing reminds us of our capacity for hope and the human spirit’s tenacity and courage that rest deep within each of us as
…this season brings forth many feelings
Response: We find comfort in naming these feelings; we find some peace in being together
All around us are bright lights and merry messages
Yet in our heart not all is joyful
There is loneliness,
Loneliness when we find ourselves alone after being long-partnered,
Loneliness when we are separated from loved ones,
Loneliness when we move to a new community and struggle to find our way,
Loneliness that never seems filled even with good company,Loneliness that is an ever-present aching in the heart,
Loneliness, bittersweet for it is felt only when we have known connectedness and
…this season brings forth many feelings
Response: We find comfort in naming these feelings; we find some peace in being together
All around us are bright lights and merry messages
Yet in our heart not all is joyful
We know grief and pain,
We know anger and regret,
We know hopelessness and loneliness,
We know all these feeling, we name them, we live them for such is the human experience
That love presents us with the possibility of being hurt, with the grief of loss,
That connection holds the potential of loneliness and uncertainty,
That forgiveness can begin to heal anger and regret
That being alive is a courageous act in which we engage all of our emotions and
…this season brings forth many feelings
Response: We find comfort in naming these feelings; we find some peace in being together
Source: Rev. Debra Faulk for Blue Christmas Vespers Service, December 2007, Don Heights Unitarian Congregation, Toronto, Canada.
http://www.uua.org/worship/words/readings/151325.shtml
**
In my family mourning was not done publicly. Therefore, I, as a child, assumed it was not done at all. Both sets of grandparents died and I recall hidden tears, the quick turn away to look out a window, the closing of a door. This mysterious behavior seemed to commence with the announcement of death and end immediately after the funeral.
Of course, if mourning is private, almost secretive as though shameful, there can be no comforting.
Now I discover that, if honest emotion is shared, the response tends to be compassionate, but if those who grieve don’t bring up the subject of fatal illness and death, no one else will. Those who would comfort us are watching our eyes, awaiting our lead. No one can know how to help unless we teach them.
Barbara Lazear Ascher, Landscape Without Gravity: A Memoir of Grief, 121
***
I do not think that time heals all wounds, but sometimes we can find ways of integrating our losses into a new sense of ourselves and the world. We cannot always know the way in advance. And the best, most empathetic guides are often support groups or the supporting presence of those individuals who have survived similar experiences.
***
Jan Richardson
You will know
the moment of its
arriving
by your release
of the breath
you have held
so long;
a loosening
of the clenching
in your hands,
of the clutch
around your heart;
a thinning
of the darkness
that had drawn itself
around you.
This blessing
does not mean
to take the night away
but it knows
its hidden roads,
knows the resting spots
along the path,
knows what it means
to travel
in the company
of a friend.
So when
this blessing comes,
take its hand.
Get up.
Set out on the road
you cannot see.
This is the night
when you can trust
that any direction
you go,
you will be walking
toward the dawn.
